Guidelines for a Bayaan on Talaaq

Talaaq today has become very common even for minor reasons. It has become so common that in some marriages every argument features this word. Our discussion today will be only on issues surrounding this.

Importance of Nikah

• Marriage is a sacred bond

• وكيف تأخذونه و قد أفضى بعضكم ألى بعض وأخذن منكم ميثاقا غليظا

• Allah Ta’ala has referred to this sacred bond as Mithaaqan Galeedhaa.(Surah Nisaa, Aayat 21)

• Nikah brings about stability in society and is a means of ridding many evils of society.

• Nikah unites individuals, families and communities.

Severity of Talaaq

Despite Talaaq being allowed out of necessity, it is not to be treated lightly and because of its' serious repercussions it is something not preferred but abhorred in the shari’ah. Today, not realising the consequences of Talaaq, some women even provoke their husbands to go ahead and issue Talaaq.

Ahaadeeth:                                                                                                  احا ديث

عن معاذ ابن جبل رضى الله عنه قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم يا معاذ ما خلق الله شيأ على وجه الارض أحب اليه من العتاق ولا خلق الله شيأ على وجه الارض أبغض اليه من ااطلاق رواه الدار قطنى

Allah Ta’ala has not created anything on the face of the earth more pleasing then the freeing of slaves and Allah Ta’ala has not created anything on the face of the earth more detestable than the issuance of Talaaq. (Dar Qutni)

عن ابن عمر t انّ رسول اللّه r قال ابغض الحلال الي اللّه الطّلاق – رواه ابو داود

The most detestable of all lawful things in the sight of Allah Ta’ala is Talaaq. (Abu Dawood).

The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wasallam said that Shaytaan (the devil) sits on his throne daily and dispatches his agents to work among human beings. One of the agents returns and says that I made a certain person commit a sin, another says I got so and so involved in this offence. Upon listening to all this Shaytaan says that you have done nothing great. Eventually one representative comes and says that I saw a husband and wife extremely devoted to each other. I sowed the seeds of enmity between them. On hearing this Shaytaan becomes happy and embracing his agent says that you have achieved something great. (Muslim)

عن ثوبان رضى الله عنه قال قال  رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ايّما امرأة سألت زوجها طلاقها من غير باس فحرام عليها رائحة الجنّة رواه احمد والترمذى وأبو داود وابن ماجه والدارمى

Any woman who asks her husband to issue a divorce without any valid excuse, the fragrance of Jannah becomes haraam upon her. (Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Abu Daud, Ibn Majah)

Resolving differences

Before the marriage reaches the stage of Talaaq, the couple should try and resolve their differences between themselves. If this is not possible they should call upon the elders of both families to assist them. If this too fails or is not possible they should call upon the Ulama for assistance. The husband should also adopt the Qur’anic procedure and formula when trying to remedy the dispute and conflict.

...والتى تخافون نشوزهن فعظوهن واهجروهن فى المضاجع واضربوهن ...

Says Allah Ta'aala in the Quraan:"… As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them,  refuse to share their beds, ) rap them (lightly, if it is useful, without injuring them, without striking the face and without leaving any marks on the body); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great. (Surah Nisa, Aayat 34)

وان خفتم شقاق بينهما فابعثوا حكما من اهله و حكما من اهلها ج ان يريدا اصلا حا يوفق الله بينهما ط

"If you fear that they couple may separate, then appoint a mediator from his family and a mediator from her family. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will create unity between the couple." (Surah Nisaa, Aayat 35)

The couple should be mature enough to resolve their differences on their own. Only upon breakdown thereof, should they than take recourse to other channels. 

Responsibility

Talaaq has been placed in the hands of the husband. He is required to act with responsibility. - What is responsibility? It is the ability to respond appropriately.

The husband must therefore be able to weigh the good with the bad and not only look at the bad of his wife as there might be much more good in her than the bad he sees in her.

...وعاشروهن بالمعروف فان كرهتموهن فعسى أن تكرهوأ شيأ ويجعل ا لله فيه خيرا كثيرا.

"… and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." (Surah Nisa aayat no.19)

• He should also weigh the situation and think rationally and make responsible decisions

• The husband must be able to tolerate the shortcomings of his wife.

Talaaq as Abgadhul Halaal

By referring to it as Halaal Islam has taken the middle course. Unlike the Catholic Church where there is no divorce, Islam says that if a marriage has irretrievably broken down and reconciliation is not possible then it is better to part honourably and start afresh. Refer to the following aayat. 

الطلق مرتان فامساك بمعروف أو تسريح باحسان ...

"The divorce is twice, after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness. And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your mehr which you have given them, … (Al-Baqarah, Verse 229)

Procedure of issuing Talaaq

If all efforts have failed and there remains no possibility of reconciliation the following procedure should be adopted when issuing a Talaaq.

The best form of talaaq that the husband can issue to his wife is that the husband pronounces only one divorce to his wife. For example he should say, ‘I divorce you’ or ‘I give you talaaq’. The sunnah method of issuing this divorce is that only one such divorce be given and that too, in a clean period of the wife wherein no sexual activity was engaged in, between the spouses.

The benefit of issuing this divorce is that the husband can revoke the divorce before the expiry of the iddat, thus causing the nikah to be intact again. The revocation can be done verbally, by statements such as, ‘I have taken you back as my wife’, 'I have revoked the talaaq' or physically, by being intimate with the wife. By intimacy is meant kissing, hugging in an intimate manner, touching the wife in an intimate manner etc. The word intimate here does not imply sexual intercourse only.

If the divorce is not revoked within the iddat period then by the passing of the iddat the wife will be considered to be completely out of the nikah of the husband and is free to remarry.

If the divorce was not revoked by the husband within the iddat period and the couple decides to reconcile thereafter, then a new nikah will have to be performed. In this way the wife doesn’t have to marry another man before being able to get back with the husband. One must however understand that if the couple does get together during or after the iddah then the divorce that was issued still stands. In future the husband only has two divorces left to reach the maximum three. In other words the divorce/s are not cancelled by reconciliation.

This process allows the spouses a cooling off period wherein they are able to reflect on their marriage and hopefully set right their shortcomings and reconcile with their spouses.

Three divorces issued at once or separately, in anger, jest, while being intoxicated, jokingly, or whilst the wife is pregnant or is experiencing menstruation is valid. A husband must never issue three divorces at once.

The reason for this is that by the issuance of such divorce there remains no room for reconciliation. In this situation the couple may only reconcile if the wife marries another man after observing the Iddah of this divorce and the second marriage takes its normal course. Only in the event that this man (second husband) either passes away or divorces the wife and after the Iddah is complete will it be permissible for the couple to marry one another again.